My Inner Dreamer

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Digital StillCameraOn Sundays, instead of going to church, I meet with two deep friends. Our goal is to grow our souls in all the good things God has for us. We believe this growth leads to transformed lives – our own and then hopefully, the lives that we reach out to.

We share a meal. We pray.  We sing and cry. We laugh a LOT. AND we spend quite a bit of time… dreaming! 

Now, everywhere I go, it seems there’s yet another commercial or book declaring, “You can be anyone you want to be.” But see, me and my two friends, we know better than to fall for those ideas. We are NOT young. We are wizened by experience.  On top of that, we live in Los Angeles, where youth is worshipped. So there’s a problem…

For me, the moment I begin to dream, the very air I breathe starts accusing me with my past failures, my age, my mediocrity, my lack of beauty.

And yet I’m still daring to dream. WE are daring. Together, me and my two friends, we continue to pursue our dreams.  Have we fallen for some cheap ad? No!

If we’ve fallen for anything, it’s hope and faith in the same amazing Guy who created us in His image. He never stops dreaming and creating. And one of the ways He continues to dream is by dreaming through me, relentlessly stirring up my inner dreamer with His voice, giving me newer AND bigger dreams for all the seasons of my life.

God continues to dream by dreaming through me. 

And by the way, I’m not excited about all of my dreams. That may seem like a strange statement. I mean, how can I dream it if I’m not excited about it? Well, this is what happened. Since I spent a lot of my early life suppressing my own desires, I suspected there was more to me than I knew. So I gave God – the one who KNOWS me – permission to stir up my inner dreamer.

As a result, sometimes an idea of a dream comes to me and I’m left wondering, “Where the heck did that come from?” For example, I have a dream to direct a musical. I’m not excited about this. I don’t know if this dream is a true desire of mine or not. But what if it is? So, instead of dismissing this maybe-dream, I’m sitting with it and observing what happens over time.

What have I noticed? In my acting class, I have impulses to direct a little scene. And now that I think about it, I don’t think these impulses are new. I think they’ve been there for quite a while. But now I’m not ignoring them. In fact, I’m finding this part of me… interesting. Will this lead me to pursue a dream of directing a musical? I have no idea. But I can trust God with the answer to THAT question. Meanwhile, I am now free to enjoy the desire of directing a little scene.

Because I’m not dreaming alone, but with deep friends, I’ve been able to hold on to a couple of important lessons.

  1. It’s all about trusting that I really do hear God’s voice! Shaming accusations may taunt me, trying to convince me my dreams aren’t real, but shame lies. And Shame is NOT the voice of God. I really do hear God’s voice and it is a voice of encouragement and love.
  2. I can trust God with my inner dreamer. If I let Him, He will open up my imagination to all kinds of dreams that are custom-made by Him, just for me. In the process, I may come across dreams that are, “Too good to be true,” or, “Where did THAT come from?” The best response to those types of dreams? Allow myself to be fascinated, while bringing them back to the One who created me. He won’t lead me off on some wild goose chase. He will always bring me back to the truth of who I really am as I bring every dream to Him.

Here’s to shining in joy!


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My One Word 2013




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Carla Porter writes, sings, designs architectural interiors and loves her family, friends and God, all in Los Angeles, California.

© 2013, Carla Porter and Whisper of Grace, all rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material, including images, music and writings, without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Carla Porter and Whisper of Grace with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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3 responses to “My Inner Dreamer

  1. Love this! I can identify with much of what you say. I am wondering, though, about your calling God “Guy”! That was interesting to me! Not so formal, so intimate. That is so foreign to me when speaking about Him. Tell me more about that! 😉

  2. Wow! I’m humbled that I might spur an idea for something for which you might write! 😉

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