Kill The Polite Visitor.
Yep. That’s right. The Polite Visitor’s time is up and I’m going after her.
So who is she and what did she do to merit death? Well, she tried to suffocate my naturally ebullient self! She’s a persona, a misconception of Carla that I wore sometimes.
You may have met her. She’s the one who tried to make me feel bad about taking up space, as if I was getting in people’s way, when I accepted their freely offered hospitality. She kept me from feeling completely welcomed anywhere, even when I was. And I was completely welcomed a lot!
And she never stopped trying to get my heart to accept her bad attitude as true: that I was unworthy to be There, wherever There was. She kept telling me that I didn’t belong … anywhere! So I spent a lot of my life walking on eggshells, listening to the whispering in the clouds, warning over and over again: They’re going to kick you out. You don’t belong.
To shut her up, I learned to shut myself up and remain perfectly polite, no matter what. “No matter what,” because, unfortunately, this persona also had a very high tolerance for inappropriate behavior.
She’d been killing me off for years, decades even. How she came to be such an influence in my life is another story for another time. Meanwhile, it’s been almost six weeks since I made this fantastic, amazing, life altering decision.
It’s my turn now. Now, I’m doing the killing.
I’m killing The Polite Visitor.
Joy is coming,
Written while enjoying being an honored guest
in the San Diego home of Linda and Martin Otero.