THE STRUGGLE IS GOOD

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Daybreak is Coming

DAYBREAK ALWAYS COMES

My attention is on my creative process these days. What does it look like, feel like, act like – for ME. In the past I’ve compared myself to what I thought it was supposed to be like. This comparison (to something that wasn’t even real) left me crushed.

I’d wonder what was wrong with me. Especially if my efforts to make art lacked flow. Especially if it took too long to complete. If there was a struggle, then I must not be the artist I thought I was.

I don’t believe that lie anymore.

For when there IS a struggle,
something beautiful is about to enter into this world.

 

THE FIGHT

It’s in the air
My air
I can’t help but breathe it in
A deep cleansing breath
And I come back to life

I don’t understand
I don’t understand IT
In so many ways I feel feeble
As I attempt
To capture what I sense
In notes and rhythm
A patterned breathing
Slow then fast
Swirling around me and inside of me
I don’t hear it
No. Instead
I feel it
As I too breathe
In out. In out. In out. In!
Tumtata Tumtata Tumtata Tum!

Then suddenly it’s there
I recognize it
I try to capture it
I try to tame it
To give it back to the air
Through electronics and sound waves

I’ve struggled with this music
With the idea and the word
Composer
I fight this word and its seed
Yet my hold on it is as strong
As its hold on me
A wrestling match
A birthing match
It’s almost time to let go
It’s been a long night
It’s almost daybreak
But I won’t
I won’t!
Let go
Until You bless me
Until I know that I know that I know
You’ve blessed me

Until a song is born
And I have prevailed

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3 responses to “THE STRUGGLE IS GOOD

  1. Melody Carriere

    Carla,
    Thank you for continuing to blog, I really love reading them. They give me encouragement and much hope that I can also work through my processes, with God’s help, and come out on the other side with the gifts and talents that He’s given me, fruitful and developed. I really felt led to include the word “fruitful”. You are such a blessing to me and many others!
    Love you,
    Mel

  2. Charlotte Neveu

    I love the gift of creativity that God has given to each and every one of us. How beautiful it is that the struggle you’re going through to create music has resulted in this beautiful poem, “The Fight” – that YOU created. God gives to us “good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over.” You are a wonderful example of that. What a blessing you are!

    Thank you for your blog that encourages and inspires.
    Love you,
    Charlotte

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