The Polite Visitor

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Digital StillCameraJanuary 26th of this year was a momentous day.  I made a decision and I wrote it down in my journal.

Kill The Polite Visitor.

Yep. That’s right. The Polite Visitor’s time is up and I’m going after her.

So who is she and what did she do to merit death? Well, she tried  to suffocate my naturally ebullient self! She’s a persona, a misconception of Carla that I wore sometimes.

You may have met her. She’s the one who tried to make me feel bad about taking up space, as if I was getting in people’s way, when I accepted their freely offered hospitality. She kept me from feeling completely welcomed anywhere, even when I was. And I was completely welcomed a lot!

And she never stopped trying to get my heart to accept her bad attitude as true: that I was unworthy to be There, wherever There was. She kept telling me that I didn’t belong anywhere!  So I spent a lot of my life walking on eggshells, listening to the whispering in the clouds, warning over and over again: They’re going to kick you out. You don’t belong.

To shut her up, I learned to shut myself up and remain perfectly polite, no matter what.  “No matter what,” because, unfortunately, this persona also had a very high tolerance for inappropriate behavior.

Uh oh.

She’d been killing me off for years, decades even. How she came to be such an influence in my life is another story for another time. Meanwhile, it’s been almost six weeks since I made this fantastic, amazing, life altering decision.

It’s my turn now. Now, I’m doing the killing.

I’m killing The Polite Visitor.

 

Joy is coming,

Carla

Written while enjoying being an honored guest
in the San Diego home of Linda and Martin Otero.

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7 responses to “The Polite Visitor

  1. Wow Carla,

    You are doing an amazing job on your blog. I love how God is redeeming that you are definitely wanted and welcome where you are. Please continue this future book.
    Love ya,
    Mel

    • Thank you Melody for your great encouragement. I like how you keep saying BOOK. Hmmm. All I need are a few (or a few more than a few) willing readers. I obviously have plenty I’m willing to share.

  2. All right, this is a great journey!!!
    I am excited to hear more. Like how you are killing her.
    You are such an inspiration for me.

    Love you, Pam

    • Woo hoo! You’re asking me for more. Yay! and Yes. I will follow this up with more.

      • So… Pam. Thanks to you, I have written another piece on The Polite Visitor. I think you started something really good for me. Thank you for being my wonderful, deep, amazing friend and sister.

  3. Pingback: The Polite Visitor, Part II – Am I Hit Man Enough? | Whisper of Grace

  4. Carla, another WOW! This speaks to (even) me! You are stirring up things in those around you as they are stirred in you! The book is a-comin’, sista!
    Love this! I am inspired! Gotta start that blog…

    Oh! And you are ALWAYS welcome anywhere, anytime! 😉 XO

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